Hidden Brokenness

Ann Voskamp wrote in The Broken Way that there is no way to grow without brokenness. The truth of it echoes in John 12:24:

...Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

Sharing our "broken" is what can bind us in a real and relevant way to others - to build the bonds of communion and fellowship. After all, hearts are more open when authenticity is present.

But what about when we don't want to bring our brokenness out into the light? What becomes of those places?

Personally, I have learned that hidden brokenness can become a twisted comfort. In other words, a place in me that I do not wish to deal with or make known before others does in fact benefit me in some way. There is a payoff. But, as it is a twisted comfort, there is a cost as well.

For example, in my own brokenness, I often will resort to isolating myself from others, because connecting is scary, painful, and risky. It opens me to the possibility of rejection or shame when I say what is true of me to another person. Therefore, isolation can be more comfortable than the ache of loneliness. My emotional comfort costs me relationship and communion with others. It costs me a chance to have my dark places exposed and healed in the light of fellowship. A twisted comfort.

We may also keep these broken places hidden because they give us some sense of power or control. Hiddenness helps us avoid shame and facing our true reality. Our pain can be numbed, even if only momentarily. Even the most depraved, hurtful hidden broken can function this way.

Just as Adam and Eve hiding from God in the Garden of Eden was a red flag to God that something was wrong - so it should be for us. Hidden is contrary to God's ways. He is all about things being out in the open, out in the light.

Truth is not cloistered in darkness - and likewise, lies do not reside in the light.

The hard truth is - and churches don't preach this- sin works. For a time, that is. It can bring quick (albeit temporary) relief for what ails us. The allure of sin, with its instant relief, beckons us - in stark contrast to a long obedience lacking obvious results. We start to believe as the Israelites did in Malachi 3:14:

It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty?

Doubt in God's goodness, provision and faithfulness to His promises to us lead us to a desolate place: "Rock Middle", as Kaley Newkirk terms it. Unlike "Rock Bottom", where one's life visibly implodes from a series of bad choices, "Rock Middle" is more subtle and less disastrous in the immediate term. "Rock Middle" is the accumulation of tiny adjustments and compromises we make in our lives, just to get through the day, but which ultimately lead us away from God's plan for our lives. This is not a place of an abundant, thriving life, but a stuck, stale place.

The righteous thing we are waiting for becomes too small, says Newkirk. We doubt God because His timing is not ours. In our impatience we cast golden calves, create cracked cisterns, and resort to all-around self-reliance.

Practically speaking, this can take a zillion forms: control, greed, overeating, an addiction, lies, power, lust, anger, pride... But the end result is the same. Hidden brokenness, in all its forms, is a IDOL. Idols steal our dependence on God, our loyalty to Him, our trust in His provision and faithfulness. It steals our relationship and intimacy with God and with others, and thus our growth in the Kingdom. We become fruitless when our hands are clutching idols. Hidden broken steals spiritual growth.

And why shouldn't it? We think we are meeting our own needs - we don't need God.

Even if we are not immediately aware of any hidden brokenness within us, we can be sure that as a fallible human, there is some, somewhere within. So, we must ask ourselves - am I willing to ask God to begin revealing my areas of hidden brokenness? Because when we ask, we can be sure He indeed will. After all, He is a jealous God who wants our hearts all to Himself.

I encourage you - ask God to reveal your hidden brokenness. To show you what has led you into "Rock Middle". To show you what is holding your heart back from sharing your brokenness with others in deep communion. If you're honestly not ready to have him show you yet - just pray for the willingness to ask for it. God is patient and gentle - He does not mind moving slowly with you. He will pursue your heart till the very end.

Be blessed my friends. Our God is faithful.




To Process:
+ In what specific ways has your hidden brokenness cost you?

+ Are you aware of a habitual sin that you just can't seem to shake free from and are afraid to share with others? What is it? How does it present in your life? This may be an area of hidden brokenness.

+ Ask yourself: What small adjustments and compromises do I make in the course of a day, just to get through the day and hold myself together? These almost imperceptible choices are what form the foundation of a "Rock Middle".

The Word:
+ Put to death whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, evil desires, greed... These are Idols. Colossians 3:5 (my paraphrase)

Margin

This past week I've been happily hunkered down in the trench... The trench between my stove and kitchen sink, that is. I've been expanding my hobby of preparing home cooked frozen meals for friends into more of a legitimate business. 

Over the last several years I've come to realize just how much I not only enjoy cooking, but that I am pretty good at it. People are complimentary of my dishes and they seem to take delight in what I prepare. And that makes me very happy!

As I have prepared and delivered meals in the past, I've heard over and over again the excitement of a family who gets to go home and enjoy a home cooked meal together, with little effort. It got me thinking-- is this a way to use my gifts to serve those around me? A way to nurture relationships around the diner table? The confirmation of this message has continued to surface. 

Most recently, God brought this scripture to mind, as kind of a guiding principle of Frozen With Love (the name of this little venture):

For the ministry of this service is not only supplying the needs of the saints but is also overflowing in many thanksgivings to God. // 2 Corinthians 9:12

Knowing that I am doing something that I love, coupled with the knowledge that I am meeting a practical need of those around me gives me a sense of great purpose and meaning. And for that, I feel nothing but gratitude as God uses me!

 So, as this venture gets under way and starts to grow beyond infancy, I am learning quickly I must be mindful of some important things: 

• Am I taking on a reasonable amount of work, or too much?
• If too much, am I doing it to please others? Examine my motives.
• Am I taking care of my priority items first (my family and home)?
• Am I practicing good self care? (Getting enough rest, staying connected relationally)
• And, most importantly - How is my relationship with God? Am I connecting to the Vine daily?

Yesterday morning I was driving to my small group meeting, feeling stressed, stretched thin, running late (again!) and unprepared for our discussion time. I had not even touched the 3 chapters we were about to process as a group. Not for lack of interest - I had stared longingly at the book for several days now, but there was never the time. And I had not even sat down with Jesus for 2 minutes or cracked my Bible in days. I was running on fumes.

Margin.

I heard it loud and clear in my head as I sat at a red light with my head propped against my hand. 

I must build margin into my weekly and daily routine, NOW, before too many bad habits get established as I explore this business. Otherwise, this well intentioned "service ministry" is going to burn me out and go down in flames. 

It was clear, as I sat there simultaneously numb and stressed, that I had taken on too much, in an effort to please others and get their business. I had not set any boundaries around my time or abilities. I was not taking care of my priority items, as evidenced by the mountain of laundry and ridiculously dirty floors that awaited me back home (not to even mention the tower of pots in the sink). I was not taking good care of myself, as I was staying up late to finish meals, and then skipping my time with Jesus because I couldn't get up in the mornings. I was too busy to make phone calls or meet with friends.

Once I made it to my chair in small group, we eased into a conversation about plugging in to God as our source. It occurred to me that  I have no business doing God's work if I am doing it in my own strength. Otherwise, it is my work, for my glory. If I am disconnected from the source, the fruit of my labor is not of Jesus, and therefore not lasting.

We went on to read about Jesus' call to Peter in John 21:15-17.  Upon Peter's confirmation that he did indeed love Jesus, Jesus calls him to "feed my lambs", "take care of my sheep" and "feed my sheep".  It got me thinking some more-- I cannot "feed his sheep" if I myself haven't been fed, for I have nothing to feed them with (spiritually speaking). Another reminder - margin in my time is how I have space to come to Jesus to commune and be fed. And this in turn helps me nourish the spirits of the saints who buy meals from me.

I will continue posting about my search for margin and balance and share what methods I am using and how it is going. 

Lord, forgive me for allowing busyness and pleasing to steal my heart from you. Forgive me for seeking to be fed from any source but You. I ask for your divine wisdom as I order my days and weeks, so that there will be intentional margin in my time to connect with You. Thank you for the reminder that I must seek You first, always. You alone shall be glorified. Amen.

Unraveling

My early morning art. Looks like the talent of a two-year-old, right?

Actually, this is how I view my past right now. A big fat wad of yarn. A few identifiable, obvious stands sticking out, but for the most part... An indiscernable mess. My memory is so clouded that I can't really even recall certain events that have shaped me. The thought of healing root issues overwhelms me. How do I even spot the roots?

But God...

God showed me today this is what He will do:

He will bring healing, one piece at a time. He will unravel this mess, one strand at a time. He will make things plain, clear, straight. One at a time. In this I have faith, hope, and peace.

Are you struggling under the weight of something? Something that seems impossible?  Maybe you have no idea where to start to tackle this beast.

It is my prayer that just as God encouraged me today with this visual of how He will unravel my mess, may He encourage you as well. What is impossible for us to do on our own, God can do. One piece at a time, He will show us what we need to see and bring us healing. Resolution. Freedom.

Let us place in His hands our messy, overwhelming things. He will delight to show us His faithfulness and reveal his power over the impossible!

A One Word Gospel

If you had to summarize the entirety of the Bible – God’s love, Jesus’ sacrifice and redemption of all, the hope of eternity – the whole bit, could you do it in one sentence? 

Perhaps John 3:16 is a great one-sentence summary: 

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

How about in only three words? We might come up with words like Grace, Love, and Mercy. Or Hope, Forgiveness, and Heaven. Or Sin, the Cross, and Salvation.

But what if you had to summarize the entire gospel message of God’s love, Jesus’ sacrifice and the hope of heaven in ONE WORD? What would your one word be?

This is where I was floored. The speaker I was listening to offered up one word I did not expect.

With.

That’s right, with. Let me walk you through it. You will see how awesome this is!

Let’s start in the beginning, which is NOT in Genesis but in John chapter 1: verses 1- 3 tell us:

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was WITH God, and the Word was God. He was WITH God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made…

Who or what do you think the Word is that was WITH God before the creation of the Earth? Biblical commentaries and even the study notes in our Bibles confirm that in these verses we see JESUS as fully God – the eternal God who has always existed, the Creator and Sustainer of all things and the Source of eternal life.

In Genesis when God created the heavens and the earth, we need to remember that Jesus was there WITH God "in the beginning", although not yet in his human form. We see this alluded to again when God created Adam on the 6th day,, saying “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness” [Genesis 1:26, my emphasis].

So, bearing that in mind, let’s trace WITH from the beginning of scripture to see if this one word is fitting. We are only hitting highlights…

In the Garden of Eden, God was WITH Adam and Eve, walking and talking among them.

God was WITH Noah after He promised to protect Noah and his family during the terrible flood that washed away every living thing outside of the ark.

God was WITH Abraham when he made the everlasting promise to give him descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky, and a land where they could settle.

God told Moses, “I will be WITH you” when he was to lead the enslaved Israelites out of Egypt.

God was WITH the Israelites in the dessert as He provided manna, quail and water from the rock to sustain them.

The Lord was WITH Joshua and the Israelites as they overtook the land promised to them: 

The Lord himself goes before you and will be WITH you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. [Deuteronomy 31:8]

When Samuel anointed the shepherd boy David King of Israel, the Spirit of the Lord fell on him. From then on, the Lord was WITH David, “a man after God’s own heart”.

Years later the shepherd king pens the words in which we still find comfort today: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are WITH me.” Psalm 23:4

Daniel and his friends experienced the manifest presence of the Lord WITH them as three of them were thrown into a fiery furnace and Daniel into a lion’s den. They each emerged without a single scratch, completely protected by their God.

And in the fullness of time, God took WITH to a whole new level:

After an immaculate conception, the Virgin Mary gave birth to a son named Jesus, also called Immanuel – God WITH us. John 1:14 confirms this: 

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.

For 33 years – Jesus was Immanuel, God WITH us, as he walked among his people on earth. But before he left, he made a promise: “I am WITH you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

After the crucifixion and Jesus’ ascension into heaven 40 days later – The Holy Spirit was sent on Pentecost and entered the very souls of those who believed. Now the very Spirit of Jesus and God the Father is WITH anyone who believes in Jesus!

And in the last days, God will send Jesus back to earth, this time to claim his eternal throne. This time to defeat death, sin and Satan a final time. And – he’s coming for us who believe in him.

Soak up the promises of Revelation 21:3-4 and Rev 22:3-4

Now the dwelling of God is WITH men and he will live WITH them. They will be his people and God himself will be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. // No longer will there be any curse…They will see His face and His name will be on their foreheads.

So – do you see WITH throughout the story of the gospel?

Here is an acrostic to help us remember the core message of WITH:

Where 

I am, 

There 

He is

What is WITH supposed to mean to us, anyways? I think it represents intimacy. Relationship. WITH illustrates God’s desire for intimacy and connection with us. And, hopefully, our desire to be WITH God, too.

Togetherness naturally breeds intimacy.

This is Holy week – remember on Friday, "Good Friday", what was really happening when Christ humbled himself by becoming obedient to death on a cross.

Christ had chosen to fully confine his deity to flesh and blood, taking the blows for our sin – yesterday, today and tomorrow. When he died, it was OUR spiritual death he endured.

He underwent the separation from the Heavenly Father that our sin should bring US. We see it when he cried out from the cross in those last moments, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”. Because God is Holy, sin cannot exist in his presence.

And so Jesus was separated from the Father the first time in FOREVER. For US.

Ok, a quick side trip into the Temple in Jerusalem before we tie all of this together…

In the Temple in Jerusalem, there was a massive outer courtyard where all the people could congregate (one area for men and one for women), present their offerings and sacrifices, hear the lessons from the priests and worship. This was as far as they could go into the temple grounds. This was as close to God as they could get.

Within the courtyard was the Holy Place, the first of two enclosed spaces, where priests would burn incense and place the consecrated bread before God. Only the priests were permitted into the Holy Place.

Beyond that, separated by a thick, heavy curtain, was The Most Holy Place. The Most Holy Place housed the Ark of the Covenant, the golden chest which held the stone tablets given to Moses, among some other sacred items. The very presence of God hovered above the Ark.

This place was so sacred that the priests themselves only entered it once per year, and never without sacrificial blood, which the priest offered for himself and the people. No one else was allowed into The Most Holy Place. Ever.

What does The Most Holy Place have to do with Christ on the cross and intimacy WITH God? Stay with me here while we tie this together. In three of the four gospels, we find a similar account.

Picture the climactic moment of Jesus' death:

"And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split." (Matthew 27:50-51)

Can you imagine the priests in the temple when they looked up after the shaking of the ground beneath their feet and noticed the curtain ripped in two, revealing The Most Holy Place for all eyes to see? I wonder if a holy fear came over them? Now, any ol' body could go in!

Exactly. Any ol' body could go in. Glory to God!

Hebrews reveals to us the amazing truth of what happened that Good Friday when the curtain was torn:

"Since we have confidence to enter The Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body....". (Hebrews 10:19-20)

Stop. Do you see it? Jesus not only made a way, through the sacrifice of his body, but He IS the Way. "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6) It is through him, our High Priest, that we are able to pass through the curtain and come into the very presence of God the Father. Wow!

What is the promise of hope that the torn curtain of Jesus' body offered us? God tells us himself - he doesn't want us to miss it:

He will make himself known to us, he will put his laws in our hearts, we will share intimacy with him, and he will forgive our sins and remember our sins no more. (paraphrased: Jeremiah 31:33-34; Hebrews 8:10-13)

How's that to make a Friday 'good'?

WITH. It’s what God has desired from the beginning of time. It’s what he will pursue until the end of time. And the amazing gift of being WITH God the Father, in an intimate, everyday relationship is all because of Jesus and that curtain being torn.

Is God uprooting you so you will learn the reality of WITH? Will you choose to leave the outer courts and boldly pass through the curtain opened for you, and into the very presence of God?

As you face the challenges of everyday life, never forget:

He is WITH you always. Where I am, There He is. Even to the very end of time.

Wrestling with God

You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. (Matthew 5:3, The Message)

I listened to a friend today really struggling with a difficult issue. Something has her stuck and unable to move forward. After she was encouraged to pray and really talk with God about what is holding her back, the story of Jacob wrestling God kept coming to mind. 

Jacob was heading into a very anxious and uncertain situation. He was actually in a moment of panic and fear when a "man" suddenly appeared and began to wrestle with Jacob. Remember the story of how Jacob tricked his father Isaac into giving him the blessing intended for his older brother Esau? Well, suffice it to say, things did not go well between the brothers after the truth came to light. Esau had it in for Jacob, and rightfully so. That led to Jacob running away to live with his uncle in Haran. Now, Genesis 32 begins to tell the story of Esau and Jacob seeing one another after many years apart following their ugly separation. Jacob is understandably extremely nervous, thinking Esau still wants to kill him for that little trick he played. He begins to send ahead of him extravagant gifts for Esau, to soften him up. Then he sent ahead his family and all of his possessions.

 I am not sure what made Jacob stay behind all alone on the eve of this fateful reunion, but we see that his being alone on this night made all this difference:

Genesis 32:24-30 (The Message) 

24-25 But Jacob stayed behind by himself, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he couldn’t get the best of Jacob as they wrestled, he deliberately threw Jacob’s hip out of joint.
26 The man said, “Let me go; it’s daybreak.”
Jacob said, “I’m not letting you go ’til you bless me.”
27 The man said, “What’s your name?”
He answered, “Jacob.”
28 The man said, “But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on it’s Israel (God-Wrestler); you’ve wrestled with God and you’ve come through.”
29 Jacob asked, “And what’s your name?”
The man said, “Why do you want to know my name?” And then, right then and there, he blessed him.
30 Jacob named the place Peniel (God’s Face) because, he said, “I saw God face-to-face and lived to tell the story!”

The first thing that strikes me about this passage is that Jacob is alone. If our wrestling with God is ever going to be effective, we need to devote time to being alone with God. So many people are afraid of being alone with or still before God, present company included. We must get over that! The results of Jacob's wrestling match required focus, time and lots of effort. So should our wrestlings with God. 

Next, while this passage says Jacob wrestled with a "man", it is believed it was God himself in the form of a man (as Jacob realized in v.30). And let's not skip over the fact that they wrestled "until daybreak". That means all night. How's that for a rough night? Really, though, I am sure many of us have had times when it seemed like the "nights", the dark times, in our lives would never end, so unrelenting they can be. It can be hard to cling to God through a dark night, full of unknowns! But even the darkest, most painful night brings the promise of a new day and a fresh start. 

We see that wrestling with God can cause discomfort and pain: "[the man] deliberately threw Jacob's hip out of joint". He would walk the rest of his days with a limp, as a reminder of his encounter with God. Sometimes God will dislocate things in our lives in order to bring us to the end of ourselves, so that we realize we cannot go on without Him.

You may be wondering why, if this man is supposed to really be God, verse 25 says he couldn't get the best of Jacob. It's not the he couldn't - but he allowed Jacob to hold on to him. That illustrates the grace of our God who will never leave us in our trials, fears and battles.

By the end of this wrestling match, we see that Jacob is not the same as he began it. In a literal sense, his name is changed. Jacob means "deceiver" or "grabber". But as he engaged the Lord that night, the Lord issued him a new identity after the struggle was over. He is not who he was. Israel, "God-wrestler" was his new name. He went from "deceiver" to "prevailer". We, too, will be transformed and prevail when we cling to God! We, too, will not be who we were after a time of wrestling with God.

We also see that being persistent and bold with God brings blessing. We may struggle throughout he pain and loneliness of the dark night, but by daybreak, His blessing will come. God honors us when we cling to him!

What are you wrestling with today? Choose to get on the mat with God and work this thing out. Wrestling with God, even when we are angry or hurt, is better than running away - for we are still holding on to Him.

Loving Father - you never let us go. Thank you! Work out in us all that you must, for our holiness and effectiveness in your kingdom. By your grace, we are transformed and blessed!

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Application:

+ How long does God have to wrestle with you before  you yield every area of your life to Him?

+ What does God have to dislocate in your life before you come to the end of yourself?

+ Do you need God to rename you to receive your blessing?

The Word:

+ I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go..I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you. (Genesis 28:15)

+  Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

+ [Jesus:] “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. 4 You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. 5 You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought. 6 You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat. 7 You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for. 8 You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world. 9 You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family." (Matthew 5: 3-9, The Message)

Be the Moon

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16 NIV

I grew up singing "This Little Light of Mine" as a kid in church. Even today, my kids sing it heartily in chapel every week at school, waving their fingers like candle wicks:

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine - 

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. 

As inspiring as this song is, there has always been a part of me that felt some pressure about being the "light". How could I  possibly shed light? To be one that the world would see and think of God seems an overwhelming task. Besides, there are many days that my heart can feel rather dark. To be "light" when I feel "dark" seems downright impossible.

However, last night I read something that sort of put this whole "be a light" calling on its head. Louie Giglio, founder of the Passion movement, challenged his audience one night: "Be the moon!"

What? All this time I'd been trying to be the sun! Hmm...

The more I pondered this directive, the more it made perfect sense. After all, doesn't the moon get its light from the sun? Moonlight, the light that reaches Earth from the Moon, consists mostly of sunlight.

A full moon is about 500,000 times fainter than the sun. Similarly, we will never be the full expression of the glory of the One and Only. And yet, the moon is the brightest object in the sky after the sun!

If I am going to "be the moon" as Louie challenges, I have to get my light from the Son.

Louie confirmed that, saying,"You don't have any light on your own. We only reflect the light of Another."

Beautifully, Genesis 1:26-27 reveals this was God's design and intent from the very start:

Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature so they can be responsible for the fish in the sea, the birds in the air, the cattle, and, yes, Earth itself, and every animal that moves on the face of Earth.”  God created human beings;  he created them godlike,  reflecting God’s nature. He created them male and female.

                                                                          (The Message) 

"Reflecting our nature; reflecting God's nature." God never intended for us to let our own little lights shine - to be our own lights of the world. He meant for us to reflect THE Light, His Light! After all, we were created to be His image-bearers.

The more God reveals to me the ways in which I try to follow Jesus in my own strength, and in my own way, the more I see how I've made myself an idol in my own pursuit of God. What irony.  The more I strive and the less I surrender, the more I dampen that divine reflection. The more I distort it with Self and the fingerprints of the world.

Jesus gently reminds me of what He said in John 15:5: "You can do nothing apart from Me." Not even the divine reflection for which I am made.

It's true. A reflection requires a light source. 

The sun is a source of light. The moon is a reflection of that light. For me to "be the moon", I must reflect the Son's Light!

But, what does this look like, if not by self-effort?


I hear Louie again: "When you and I get in the right place, Christ shines in us." 

And I hear echoes of John 15:4 ... Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No image bearer can reflect by itself; it must remain in the light source. Neither can you reflect unless you remain in My Light.

I need to be aquatinted with and know God's character by way of a daily, intimate relationship with Him so that I am able and equipped, by His Spirit within me, to be His reflection.

In Christ, I get to be the moon, shining the soft glow of hope in the dark night of this present world. Our ability to shed the Light of Christ in this dark and broken world is an honor and a high calling. May our reflections point others to the True Source of Light.

I can already feel that strange burden of being a light lifting. I am not responsible for producing the light, only reflecting it! I was never meant to be the sun (or the Son). As I yield my will to Christ Jesus, I position myself in Christ's presence. There, I can absorb Him - His character, His love, His grace, His forgiveness - His Light.  

When we draw near to God, He draws near to us. And when He does, His Light covers us. Just like when the moon is in alignment with the sun, it reflects that brilliant light and illuminates our world.

Make us your own, your holy people, / light for the world to see. / Christ, be our light! Shine in our hearts. / Shine through the darkness. / Christ, be our light! / Shine in your church gathered today. // Christ Be Our Light // Bernadette Farrell

You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16 MSG

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+ What can you do, practically speaking, to better position yourself to absorb the light of Christ in your life? What does this look like on a moment-to-moment, day-to-day basis?

+ We were made to reflect... And if not God, we will reflect something. Consider what you may be reflecting. Is there sin, judgment, unforgiveness, a twisted gospel, pride, brokenness being reflected? If so, start by realigning yourself with the Son through confession and repentance. Then soak up His grace-light. He will ready you to reflect a clearer image of Him.

+ Journal and imagine what the characteristics are of the Light. What is it like? How do you know it when you see, hear, feel or experience it?

+ Find at least one way each day to be a light to someone, sharing the love of Christ.

+ Think of a time when you noticed someone else being a light. What can you learn from them?

Small Bites

I am discovering just how much our culture has its claws in me. In our fast-food, over-sized portion, eat-on-the-way world, it is no wonder that I expect my spiritual growth to work in the same way. If I would only consume larger portions of Biblical and theological writings, if I could toss up more prayers throughout the day, and if I would serve more, then my heart would be right. The fruit of the Spirit would be conspicuous in me. Right?

Today God reminded me that is not the case in His economy. More (or faster) is not better in God's eyes: "Better is one handful of tranquility [less] than two handfuls of toil and chasing the wind [more]." Ecclesiastes 4:6.

Instead, God is teaching me to take small bites. Chew slowly. Taste the flavor.  Swallow. Digest. Just like I tell my kids when we sit down to a wonderful meal I have worked hard over. I want to enjoy it and taste every bite purposefully. But sometimes they are so hungry, they shovel it in, missing the flavor of the secret ingredient.

God does not desire me to mindlessly devour the truths that He is teaching me, only to quickly become empty again. I must let them roll around in my mouth, let them take root in my mind and heart, before taking another bite.

Slow down. Listen. Absorb.

Truth will take its hold in my deepest soul this way, so that when I see my reflection in the mirror and then go away, the memory will still be crystal clear. I will remember - I am His.

Practically speaking, the "small bites" message has come to mean that when I read a verse of scripture or a small passage and it speaks to me, I stop. No more reading. I begin to meditate on and journal about what I find. I pray and talk to God about what He is showing me and how it applies to my life. I get still and listen to His voice. I continue to gnaw on that truth until I feel free to move forward.

For the last week I have been camped on two verses from James 1:19-20:

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Not only has the Holy Spirit shown me lately that I could improve my communication with others (especially when my red-haired temper lights up!), but He has now given me to tools to improve it. I just need to learn to use them before moving on to something else. I am also very moved by knowing that God desires for us to live a righteous life. Does that affect you, too?

The crazy thing is - this is starting to work. And I am a stubborn and rebellious gal. Just today in a conversation with my husband, I was getting agitated. Suddenly, I heard the words of those verses echoing in my mind. It stopped me in my tracks, I calmed down and held my tongue (a miracle!).

If you, too, have struggled with experiencing spiritual growth, try taking smaller bites from the Bread of Life. It will fill you up better than ever, and keep you full longer! :)