Margin

This past week I've been happily hunkered down in the trench... The trench between my stove and kitchen sink, that is. I've been expanding my hobby of preparing home cooked frozen meals for friends into more of a legitimate business. 

Over the last several years I've come to realize just how much I not only enjoy cooking, but that I am pretty good at it. People are complimentary of my dishes and they seem to take delight in what I prepare. And that makes me very happy!

As I have prepared and delivered meals in the past, I've heard over and over again the excitement of a family who gets to go home and enjoy a home cooked meal together, with little effort. It got me thinking-- is this a way to use my gifts to serve those around me? A way to nurture relationships around the diner table? The confirmation of this message has continued to surface. 

Most recently, God brought this scripture to mind, as kind of a guiding principle of Frozen With Love (the name of this little venture):

For the ministry of this service is not only supplying the needs of the saints but is also overflowing in many thanksgivings to God. // 2 Corinthians 9:12

Knowing that I am doing something that I love, coupled with the knowledge that I am meeting a practical need of those around me gives me a sense of great purpose and meaning. And for that, I feel nothing but gratitude as God uses me!

 So, as this venture gets under way and starts to grow beyond infancy, I am learning quickly I must be mindful of some important things: 

• Am I taking on a reasonable amount of work, or too much?
• If too much, am I doing it to please others? Examine my motives.
• Am I taking care of my priority items first (my family and home)?
• Am I practicing good self care? (Getting enough rest, staying connected relationally)
• And, most importantly - How is my relationship with God? Am I connecting to the Vine daily?

Yesterday morning I was driving to my small group meeting, feeling stressed, stretched thin, running late (again!) and unprepared for our discussion time. I had not even touched the 3 chapters we were about to process as a group. Not for lack of interest - I had stared longingly at the book for several days now, but there was never the time. And I had not even sat down with Jesus for 2 minutes or cracked my Bible in days. I was running on fumes.

Margin.

I heard it loud and clear in my head as I sat at a red light with my head propped against my hand. 

I must build margin into my weekly and daily routine, NOW, before too many bad habits get established as I explore this business. Otherwise, this well intentioned "service ministry" is going to burn me out and go down in flames. 

It was clear, as I sat there simultaneously numb and stressed, that I had taken on too much, in an effort to please others and get their business. I had not set any boundaries around my time or abilities. I was not taking care of my priority items, as evidenced by the mountain of laundry and ridiculously dirty floors that awaited me back home (not to even mention the tower of pots in the sink). I was not taking good care of myself, as I was staying up late to finish meals, and then skipping my time with Jesus because I couldn't get up in the mornings. I was too busy to make phone calls or meet with friends.

Once I made it to my chair in small group, we eased into a conversation about plugging in to God as our source. It occurred to me that  I have no business doing God's work if I am doing it in my own strength. Otherwise, it is my work, for my glory. If I am disconnected from the source, the fruit of my labor is not of Jesus, and therefore not lasting.

We went on to read about Jesus' call to Peter in John 21:15-17.  Upon Peter's confirmation that he did indeed love Jesus, Jesus calls him to "feed my lambs", "take care of my sheep" and "feed my sheep".  It got me thinking some more-- I cannot "feed his sheep" if I myself haven't been fed, for I have nothing to feed them with (spiritually speaking). Another reminder - margin in my time is how I have space to come to Jesus to commune and be fed. And this in turn helps me nourish the spirits of the saints who buy meals from me.

I will continue posting about my search for margin and balance and share what methods I am using and how it is going. 

Lord, forgive me for allowing busyness and pleasing to steal my heart from you. Forgive me for seeking to be fed from any source but You. I ask for your divine wisdom as I order my days and weeks, so that there will be intentional margin in my time to connect with You. Thank you for the reminder that I must seek You first, always. You alone shall be glorified. Amen.