...Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.Sharing our "broken" is what can bind us in a real and relevant way to others - to build the bonds of communion and fellowship. After all, hearts are more open when authenticity is present.
But what about when we don't want to bring our brokenness out into the light? What becomes of those places?
Personally, I have learned that hidden brokenness can become a twisted comfort. In other words, a place in me that I do not wish to deal with or make known before others does in fact benefit me in some way. There is a payoff. But, as it is a twisted comfort, there is a cost as well.
For example, in my own brokenness, I often will resort to isolating myself from others, because connecting is scary, painful, and risky. It opens me to the possibility of rejection or shame when I say what is true of me to another person. Therefore, isolation can be more comfortable than the ache of loneliness. My emotional comfort costs me relationship and communion with others. It costs me a chance to have my dark places exposed and healed in the light of fellowship. A twisted comfort.
We may also keep these broken places hidden because they give us some sense of power or control. Hiddenness helps us avoid shame and facing our true reality. Our pain can be numbed, even if only momentarily. Even the most depraved, hurtful hidden broken can function this way.
Just as Adam and Eve hiding from God in the Garden of Eden was a red flag to God that something was wrong - so it should be for us. Hidden is contrary to God's ways. He is all about things being out in the open, out in the light.
Truth is not cloistered in darkness - and likewise, lies do not reside in the light.
The hard truth is - and churches don't preach this- sin works. For a time, that is. It can bring quick (albeit temporary) relief for what ails us. The allure of sin, with its instant relief, beckons us - in stark contrast to a long obedience lacking obvious results. We start to believe as the Israelites did in Malachi 3:14:
It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty?Doubt in God's goodness, provision and faithfulness to His promises to us lead us to a desolate place: "Rock Middle", as Kaley Newkirk terms it. Unlike "Rock Bottom", where one's life visibly implodes from a series of bad choices, "Rock Middle" is more subtle and less disastrous in the immediate term. "Rock Middle" is the accumulation of tiny adjustments and compromises we make in our lives, just to get through the day, but which ultimately lead us away from God's plan for our lives. This is not a place of an abundant, thriving life, but a stuck, stale place.
The righteous thing we are waiting for becomes too small, says Newkirk. We doubt God because His timing is not ours. In our impatience we cast golden calves, create cracked cisterns, and resort to all-around self-reliance.
Practically speaking, this can take a zillion forms: control, greed, overeating, an addiction, lies, power, lust, anger, pride... But the end result is the same. Hidden brokenness, in all its forms, is a IDOL. Idols steal our dependence on God, our loyalty to Him, our trust in His provision and faithfulness. It steals our relationship and intimacy with God and with others, and thus our growth in the Kingdom. We become fruitless when our hands are clutching idols. Hidden broken steals spiritual growth.
And why shouldn't it? We think we are meeting our own needs - we don't need God.
Even if we are not immediately aware of any hidden brokenness within us, we can be sure that as a fallible human, there is some, somewhere within. So, we must ask ourselves - am I willing to ask God to begin revealing my areas of hidden brokenness? Because when we ask, we can be sure He indeed will. After all, He is a jealous God who wants our hearts all to Himself.
I encourage you - ask God to reveal your hidden brokenness. To show you what has led you into "Rock Middle". To show you what is holding your heart back from sharing your brokenness with others in deep communion. If you're honestly not ready to have him show you yet - just pray for the willingness to ask for it. God is patient and gentle - He does not mind moving slowly with you. He will pursue your heart till the very end.
Be blessed my friends. Our God is faithful.
To Process:
+ In what specific ways has your hidden brokenness cost you?
+ Are you aware of a habitual sin that you just can't seem to shake free from and are afraid to share with others? What is it? How does it present in your life? This may be an area of hidden brokenness.
+ Ask yourself: What small adjustments and compromises do I make in the course of a day, just to get through the day and hold myself together? These almost imperceptible choices are what form the foundation of a "Rock Middle".
The Word:
+ Put to death whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, evil desires, greed... These are Idols. Colossians 3:5 (my paraphrase)
