Broken and Sewn

Lately I have been entertaining this odd urge to learn to sew. And I mean really sew. Not just tacking on a stray button or mending the odd stitch. But truly creating something from nothing.  However, the thought of handling a motorized sewing machine scares me to death! I can just see my clumsy hands narrowly escaping that needle hammering away at the fabric!


So, that leaves me with sewing by hand. Here again is an obstacle. I am much too impatient to see a hand sewn project to completion. It would truly take a while! Which is why the smart person who invented the electric sewing machine made life so much easier (namely, Elias Howe in 1846). 


All of this sewing thinking randomly started to collide with some study work I was doing yesterday.  I was preparing a lesson which parallels Luke 4:18-19 and Isaiah 61:1-2.  In the Luke passage Jesus makes his teaching debut in the synagogue of his hometown of Nazareth. He is divinely handed the scroll of Isaiah, from which he reads:

¹⁸ “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind,  to set the oppressed free, ¹⁹ to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

Jesus then sits down again, with all eyes fixed on him.  He proceeds to teach them about this passage, opening with this stunning revelation:  "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing." (v. 21)  Can you imagine?  The Jews present that day were undoubtedly familiar with this passage from Isaiah and knew it to refer to their coming Messiah.  What could have been going through their minds as Jesus proclaimed to be the long-awaited One? 

In Jesus the One and Only Beth Moore refers to the Luke and Isaiah passages collectively as Jesus' job description.  These two excerpts from God's Word tell us exactly what Jesus was (and is) to accomplish. As I was studying all of this, I came to rest on one aspect of Jesus' mission in particular: To heal the brokenhearted (Isaiah 61:1 NKJV). Beth references Exodus 15:26 where God introduces himself by a new title:  I am the Lord who heals you," also known as Jehovah Raphah.  The word raphah means to "mend (by stitching), repair thoroughly, make whole".  Also, most modern translations phrase this part of the verse as "to bind up the brokenhearted."  To me, this translation matches even more closely to the original meaning of raphah.


If you have ever had the privilege of sharing life stories or hearing testimonies from others in a group, you will quickly see two things:  (1) We all have a story to tell, and (2) We are all broken! 


Life can break our hearts in so many different ways. But the result is still the same - we are shattered, imperfect, sapped of strength and powerless. We have no way of pulling all these pieces back together ourselves and functioning as we once did.


I began to visualize taking all our broken pieces and laying them at the foot of the cross. Then the Lord collects them, gently holding each of our broken selves in the palm of his hand. He tenderly, patiently goes about the painstaking work of binding us up, mending us thoroughly and making us whole again. All of this, in the palms of the hands pierced for us.  "You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand on me" (Psalm 139:5). Amazing....


What kinds of things are implied in mending a broken heart by stitching?  You may think of the pain of the needle going in, out, in again, out again.  A slow and painful process.  Healing takes time. And often healing leaves a scar.  Scars remind our of where we've been, what we've endured.  They also remind us to give thanks for the One who heals us! Binding us up ultimately ends in wholeness. In our wholeness, we remember:  "In Christ, all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17).


My heart, which is still being mended and has some scars, is bursting with thanksgiving for Jesus and the work He came to accomplish in each of us. He redeems our brokenness and makes us new! 


While I wish I knew how to sew, I am thankful that my Savior does.  And the fact that it is slow and tedious doesn't bother Him one bit.  He knows how beautiful it will come out in the end!


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Application:


+ Read Luke 4:18-19 and Isaiah 61:1-2.  Compare the two passages and make a list of the descriptive phrases from both passages, noting any variations.  Keep this list in your Bible to refer to whenever you need a reminder of what Jesus came to do.


+ Are you dealing with brokenness in your life? Stop trying to put it back together for yourself. Get on your knees and lay it all at the foot of the cross, asking Jesus to bind up your broken places, just as He came to do. Then praise Him for all that He will do in you and through you!


The Word:


+ He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.  Psalm 107:20


+ The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds al those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.  Psalm 145:13-14

Overcome by Light

Recently my husband told me about an article he read about the biggest advancements in medical history over the last, say, century. One scientist being interviewed was asked what he thought the single most important advancement was in our overall health.  His answer?  Not immunizations. Not washing hands.
Windows.  Yes, windows.  Why?  Because light was able to kill off the germs that would otherwise continue to linger (and infect others) in the dark.

Isn't sin kind of like that?  We like to keep our secret pasts all tucked away in a dark corner, way up on a shelf.  And we think because we can't see it, it just kind of disappears.  But, lo and behold, one day it hops down from that dark shelf and reinfects your life. We feel the effects of this sin eating into every part of our life, just like a disease, wearing us down. It even makes us afraid. Hopeless.  Will this thing be the end of me? How will I ever get over this?

Glory to God, we live in a time where the Light of the World has come.  We need not live in this darkness anymore.  There is freedom in the Light! "God is light; in him there is no darkness at all...If we walk in the  light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." (1 John 1:5,7).  


Do you see it?  When we drag out our sins from those dark secret places, and expose them to the purifying Light of Christ, not only do we strip the sin of its power over us, but we are given a gift of freedom:  "They overcame [the accuser] by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony." (Revelation 12:11)  Speaking our life stories, or testimonies, at appropriate times and in an appropriate manner, is just like opening the windows, letting the sunshine in, and killing off all the germs.

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So, today, being a regular ol' Tuesday, I did not expect a soul upheaval by mid-day...But that's what I got at about 9:30 this morning.

Our school has a new component to its volunteer program which involves screening its members.  We were fingerprinted and then rounded up to watch a video series called "Safeguarding God's Children".  I had heard that it was about being on the look-out for child predators.  This is certainly a good thing to watch out for and keep our kids safe.  However, I was not prepared to have the scab ripped off my past hurts, with them rippling wildly just below the surface.

As I am watching this video with real child molesters telling how they did it, I felt my heart racing, my hands shaking.  One young lady shared her story of having been abused by her minister as girl. She remarked how people always think you'll "just get over it". But you don't. That it changes who you are.  I knew in that moment exactly what she meant. And I also knew keenly that perhaps this past of mine might never "go away". Grieving the innocence stripped from me at the tender age of 5 will probably never cease.

One of the statistics that surprised me was that of all abusers, over 60% are known by the child and family. So these people sexually abusing children aren't the "stranger-boogey man" we often imagine hurting our little ones.  Another surprising fact was that many times the perpetrators are not that much older than the victims.  Both of these facts are a reality in my case.  He was a family friend, a young teenager.

As I watched the video, it became clear to me that I, as a child, was not in the least equipped to handle or know how to respond to the abuse that I endured.  I did not know that it was wrong for him to touch me that way. That I should have (or could have) told someone. That it was not my fault.

My heart began pumping harder as I felt clearly that God wanted me to share this part of my past so as to underscore to the other parents that we must never let our guards down. Even in what appears to be "safe" company and settings, we must be ever vigilant to help prevent this kind of abuse. We must open lines of age-appropriate communication with our children (both sexes) so they understand what is and is not appropriate touching and what to do if they are touched or feel uncomfortable.

I raised my hand and heard myself say, "I have something I'd like to share..."  God answered my prayer to fill my mouth with the words and help me to hold it together while I spoke. The others seemed to appreciate what I shared.

After the meeting was over, I went back to my car and as I closed the door, the flood gates opened. I was overwhelmed with a rush of grief for all of those who have endured sexual abuse and have had to live with the aftermath. However, God showed me so much more in those moments.  He reminded me that He is my Justifier - "The God of Recompense" (Jehovah-Gmolah).  No one harms the apple of His eye without consequence.  Revenge is not mine to take. He also showed me that He is my Healer, Jehovah-Rapha, and has set me free from so much of the bondage this abuse created. Is still setting me free. He reminded me that one day, one GLORIOUS DAY, He will finish binding up my heart.  He will put a crown of beauty on my head instead of ashes, and wrap me in a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. My wholeness will be for the display of His splendor.  There will be no more scabs, no more "yuck" mulling around under the surface.  He will make all new and right. This He will do FOREVER.

It is my prayer that the power of my testimony, however humble, will help others to overcome.  That when the dark shadows of sin are dragged out into the Light, they are disarmed and defeated.  The Light of Truth always triumphs when we speak out our testimony.


Application:
+ Do you have any "germs on shelves" that need to be brought into the Light?  Sometimes they have been there so long you may have forgotten about them. Pray for God to reveal anything hidden in your life that keeps you in bondage so that you may experience His freedom and healing.

+ Consider writing out your life story, capturing any pivotal moments that define who you are today. Pray that God will show you how you can use your story for His glory.

The Word:
+ If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light will become night around me," even darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.  Psalm 139:11-12

+ Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story, those he redeemed from the hand of the foe.  Psalm 107:2

Ungrateful Sheep

Lord, you lead us to the water, but we do not drink.  You spread before us a lavish banquet, but we do not eat. The green pastures stretch all around us, lush and cool. Yet there we pace. We are stubborn to reject your gifts of rest and refreshment. We think we know what we need, what we want.  Our priorities lead us away from you. We, the ever-straying sheep.


Do we sheep really not recognize the grace spread wide before us? It is there for the taking. 


Good Shepherd, thank you that you are patient with me as I stray and wander and reject your grace. Forgive me for my stubborn pride, thinking I know best. Open my eyes, that I might fully see your gifts of grace and provision all around me. Help me to open my hands and receive all you have for me. Amen.




We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way. Isaiah 53:6a


"Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be! Let thy grace, Lord, like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee:  Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."    
- verse 3, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing (Robert Robinson, 1758)

Through God's Eyes

This morning I awoke after a night laced with disturbing dreams. In one dream I allowed my son, who has a peanut allergy, to eat a snack literally covered with peanuts. As his face and hands began to swell and I saw fear rising in his eyes, I calmly took out his Epipen and then managed to fumble and misfire the injection, only having to "make-do" and still attempt to give him the needed medication.


In another dream, I was pregnant and at the hospital to give birth. The only thing was that I was not in labor yet, and in fact, in my opinion, nowhere near the 9 month mark. While we were pacing in the hospital room, suddenly my abdomen came alive and began moving wildly. I saw the baby's hands and feet began pushing forth from my middle, and I heard clearly its cry to escape. It was trying to get out! I frantically began trying to get the doctors to work to take the baby out, all the while arguing that I was not ready yet! "How can this be? I am not even ready!"


I awoke with the strangest feeling after these dreams. The more I thought about them, the more I realized these dreams were revealing something going on inside my conscience. They were trying to show me something.


The last several days I have been working continuously to put together some lessons about spiritual disciplines for a retreat my Bible study girls will be taking in a few weeks. What started off as a strong and exciting compilation of several books on the subject had, as of yesterday, dissolved into a heap of books and papers that had no discernable direction, and certainly no lessons to follow or present. I went to bed feeling confused and defeated. Where was that clarity that accompanied those first days? The confidence that had helped me sort through and select the material? I was now questioning everything I thought I had nailed down. For a long time now, I had been asking God for an opportunity to use the gifts He has given me. I want to try out "teaching" in a safe environment. I want to write! I want to share my passion for "plugging in" to Christ with others and equip them for a more intimate relationship with Christ. What better place than in the company of ladies who love and support me so much?


But my doubts over being "competent", "ready" and "capable" were taking over and clouding the vision. Fear was giving way to a landslide of self-doubt. 


And this brings us to my dreams. My fears of being incompetent or incapable at handling an important, yet doable task surfaced (such as giving my son a shot or coordinating this retreat). And even more poignantly, my fears of looking my dream in the face, anticipating its birth and then being too afraid to embrace it, believing I am not ready, is startling. Do I really believe this? Would I really allow self doubt to hamper God's delivery of my dream?


And isn't it just like God to circulate a devotion, sending it to me not once, but TWICE, to make sure I read it, that discusses what else but SELF DOUBT. Wow. Is He good or what??


From this devotion, I read about Gideon in Judges 6 and his consumption with fear over fighting a bigger, stronger enemy:


He was convinced that the Lord had abandoned him and his people because of all the oppression they were suffering. When the Lord told Gideon to go in the strength he had, saying "Am I not sending you?", Gideon was still thinking what we all would think: "But...." A word marked with doubt.  And as the author of the devotion pointed out, Gideon was seeing circumstances through his own eyes, not through God's. God knew Gideon would be strong enough and successful, but Gideon didn't see it.  By reading further into this story, we see that eventually Gideon overcame his doubts and fears by focusing on what God thought about him, instead of what he thought about himself.


And that is what I need to do now. God, show me what You think of me and this task. Help me not dwell on my own thoughts and self-doubt. After all....


"Am I not sending you?" [my emphasis] Joshua 6:14
"I" being the LORD, Jehovah, or Yahweh in Hebrew. The Great I AM is sending me; The divine being who is self-existent, self-sufficient, self-directed, eternal, and consistent. He who was, is and is to come. He is the one who is sending me.


And what does He think of me? I am His Beloved. The apple of His eye. A previous treasure. Holy and dearly loved. Redeemed. Beautiful. Worthy. Equipped to bring glory to His kingdom. Amen and AMEN!




Psalm 18:32
It is God who arms you with strength and make your way perfect.

Blessed Interruptions

God was extra busy today in my sphere of the world. Little did I know he was cooking up a moment of divine interruption that would bless both me and a friend. For the past 5 weeks we have been having some work done in our house. As a result, there has been a steady stream of workers coming and going. Today would have been the first in many weeks that no one would be in my house as I arrived back home. At last I could get some cleaning done and begin to put our house back together again like poor Humpty Dumpty.

On my way home, I got a phone call from a friend in tears over some devestating developments in her home life. She was begging for my prayers, which I promised to offer generously. However, the more I neared my driveway, the less I felt the need to head in and work, and the more I became aware of the call to go and be with her, and pray with her that very moment. Generally I am not very impulsive. I like to know well in advance what is on the agenda so I can mentally prepare. However, in this moment, I heard these words flowing from my mouth: "I just have to run in my house for something and I will be there in 20 minutes." She did not argue but gratefully accepted. I knew without a doubt this was God orchestrating this whole thing. As soon as I hung up, a flood of fervent prayers began to erupt, pleading for God to equip me, use me, fill with me with His Spirit and His words of life. Once in the house He lead me right to two powerful prayer resources and reminded me to grab my Bible. On the drive to her house, He filled me up and gave me every direction I would need.

This spontaneous prayer time not only blessed my friend in a time of crisis, but it boosted my own faith as well. So often we're petrified God will call on us one day because we fear we won't be able somehow to do what He has asked of us. I am boldly proposing that even as God calls us, He is in standby mode. All we have to do is open our mouths to ask for His help, and He readily places into our possesion exactly what we will need in order to obey His call.

Thank you Lord Jesus for interrupting me today. It was my incredible honor to be chosen by you to minister Your love to my sweet, hurting friend.

As a side note, the blessings of that prayer time included a miraculous stretching of time: God graciously ensured I had enough time to still accomplish some of my chores before the day was over. See, our obedience costs us something but God will always compensate our obedience with blessing.

All I Need To Know

He reached his hand out to me. Only then did I realize I was sinking in the water. That I'd called out to him. Effortlessly, he pulled me up and out, next to him. He smiled at me, eyes warm and glowing. He was radiant. 


We walked alongside one another. "Where am I going?" I asked. I almost expected him to push me  ahead of him in a certain direction and tell me, "There."  


But he didn't. No, he reached out and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, tucking me into his side. His strength became my own. I felt secure, confident, full. His radiance filled my face and was reflected there. The love in his heart leaked into mine, as though by osmosis as our sides pressed together. His warmth was like a soft golden blanket that enveloped me. 


As we walked, I could only see a few feet in front of me. Suddenly it didn't matter to me where we were going. Because although I didn't know, I knew he did. And that was all I needed to know.


"He will cover you with his feathers, under his wings you will find refuge."  Psalm 91:4


"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me." Psalm 18:16, 19