Unofficial Quarantine, Day 1

It’s day one of my whole family being home under an unofficial quarantine. It feels like a Saturday, not a Tuesday with work deadlines. My daughter and her sleepover friends awoke this morning to hot cinnamon rolls as my husband and I sipped coffee on the sofa and watched the news. My son was delighted to sleep in after a late night of online gaming with his buddies.

I went out to get the mail in the warm Florida sunshine. You’d never know in looking around that the entire world has shut down or is in the process of shutting down, to curb the onslaught of Covid-19 cases. It’s so surreal. 

As I thumbed through the sales flyers from the grocery store back at the kitchen table, it hit me. Who cares what the price of boneless, skinless chicken breasts are this week? It just doesn’t matter right now. What I, and most others, care about is how to stay healthy, fed, and sane amid the rampant contagion and social distancing we’re to practice. 

It was clear life as I knew it screeched to a halt when my husband announced his office was closing starting today. That, in addition to school, church, sports, and almost every form of entertainment, closing indefinitely. 

Photo by Tim Mossholder from Pexels

What’s left is to stay home with family and wait until the rising tide of coronavirus cases subsides. The scary part is, this process has taken upwards of sixty days judging by Wuhan, China, and other places in the world that are weeks ahead of the United States’ experience with the virus.

Awaiting the infiltration of coronavirus onto the shores of the US has been like witnessing a slow-moving train wreck. My husband first began watching this issue closely right when the outbreak occurred in Wuhan. As we’ve seen the horrific progression and catastrophic death tolls rising each day exponentially, we knew it was coming our way. We simply didn’t know when it was going to blow up. And now, the crush of impact has begun.

I feel anxious and uncertain. I’m grateful for the reminder to take things one day at a time and turn all my worries over to God. None of us knows what tomorrow holds.

At the time I write this, there are over 190,000 cases worldwide, 5,700 US cases, and Florida has 173 confirmed cases, with four of them in my county. Just two weeks ago, there were less than sixty in the US.

A Solo Row

It is dark. Darker than dark. The blinding black is more than you can take. You feel antsy. It's time to make a move; you can't stand it any longer.

The old wood creaks as you step from the shore into into the small rowboat. Waves slosh against the side, responding to your movement in the boat. A breeze glides across the water's surface and weaves its way into your nostrils, chilling your face. You inhale deeply, your lungs filling with the fresh, cool air.

The oars slip easily into your hands, their woodgrain smoothed from years of handling. The muscles in your arms quickly attune to the rowing rhythm. Stroke, stroke, stroke, rest. Repeat. It feels good, invigorating even, to be doing something. Anything, at this point.

After a while, you realize you have made significant progress. Maybe three or more miles from the shore now. It shouldn't be much longer until you reach the other side of these waters and can get on with your plans.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a windstorm like you've never experienced before kicks up out of the hills beyond. Instantly, the waves begin rocking the tiny boat. The churning water begins to slosh into the hull. Your breathing becomes staccato, your hands trembling. How do I navigate this? How foolish I was to do this by myself! Anxious thoughts come rushing in like the water. Time seems to slow down. The unfolding disaster is inching forward in slow motion. Through howling winds, the rough waters issue threats to overtake you and batter the wood to splinters.

Jesus is nowhere to be found. You had, after all, left without him. He had disappeared by himself to a mountain back onshore. What was I supposed to do? 

You're far, far away from the shore where you put out from. You thought you knew where you were going, so certain were your strokes. Until now. The doubts rush in just like the raging sea spray, stinging your face. You wonder if you will even survive this.

You can't recall exactly why you left. Why you left without him. You thought he wanted you to go on ahead of him, to get across this water and carry on his work at the next stop. You thought you could do it. Hadn't he called you and given you authority to do his work?

 I can't do this, Jesus! Where are you? This is too much for me. Help me! Save me from this mess! Tears of despair and fear run down your cheeks.

Wiping a forearm across your face, you squint your eyes. Something catches your eye moving out across the choppy waves, catching the dim moonlight. What is that? you wonder. Whatever it is, it is coming closer and closer to the edge of the boat. Eyes wide, your shaky fingers clench around the oars as your only defense. You feel your stomach drop.

"It's me. It's alright. Don't be afraid."

Jesus. His voice is unmistakable.

How in the world...? There is Jesus, standing before you, on top of the water. It simply doesn't register. Yet there he stands, unfazed, wind and waves whirling around him. He could just as well have been standing back on the mountainside, or sitting down eating lunch, he looks so calm.

Reflexively, your hand willingly shoots out to invite him on board the small skiff. His hand clasps around yours in a firm grip as he steps into the boat. As he sits down across from you, everything goes still and silent. Not one churn of the water, not one breezy swish of the wind.

He looks you in the eye, peering into your very soul.

"Faint-heart, what got into you?" He asks gently.

You are speechless. It is true, you did lose faith. You did think you could do this on your own.

Suddenly you both lurch forward as the rowboat runs aground. You've made it. You've reached the shore where you were heading all along. Jesus stands up and offers you his hand to steady you as you step out of the boat. He gets out beside you, and together you pull the boat up onto the beach. There is a crescent moon tonight and the blueish light illuminates the shoreline.

It's hard to believe that just moments ago you feared you would die alone in the middle of a storm of waves and wind. Jesus drapes an arm over your shoulder and playfully pulls you close to him, an impish smile peeking from behind his beard. It is too dark to see his eyes well, but they are probably sparkling. They are captivating and seeing them never gets old. For all of your doubts and pride, he never holds it against you. That you called out to him in the midst of the storm filled his heart afresh.

And you know, more than ever now, he will never desert you, even when he sends you out.

(John 6:16-21)

Loyal

This is this coolest morning in over a month. It's Saturday and nothing is planned until much later today. I slept in, but as I rise at 8 o'clock, no one else is stirring yet. Amazing. I quickly prepare a pot of coffee and gather my materials to set up camp on the patio. The cool spring air, chirping birds, and Jesus are calling to me. And the gift of free time is exhilarating.

Buffles, our Goldendoodle, follows me out, of course. She often stays close by as I navigate my day.  I crack open the screen door so she could romp around in the yard and chase squirrels while I read. I walk her out and she wanders into the green dewey grass. But I leave the screen propped open so she can come and go at will.

I find it interesting that, despite the lure of the wild beyond the door, she quickly returns to the patio and sits right at my feet. She looks around and surveys what is happening outside. But she never leaves my side again. I smile and rumple her caramel-colored mop. She settles down and stretches alongside my feet.

I marvel at that. Her loyalty, despite the excitement beyond the door. Was it a hard choice for her? Did she struggle between her devotion and her desires?

I cannot help but see a spiritual lesson here. Because for me, in my desire to be close to Jesus, to sit at His feet and walk by His side loyally, every part of every day, is a wrestling match between my desires. I so want to be close to Him, undecidedly so, yet the world beyond beckons so alluringly. I almost cannot help myself. Yet, I find myself looking back at Jesus from the world's yard, still sitting, waiting, with the screen door propped open, just in case I wish to return.

How beautiful it would be, and how simple, were my desires so undivided, so that no mater what lies beyond, no matter what is happening around me, I choose Jesus. 

Sweet, pure loyalty. Singular. Undivided.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"A friend is always loyal..." Proverbs 17:17 (NLT)

"Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me." Psalm 51:10 (NLT)

"I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn't confide in slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father has told." John 15:15 (NLT)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

God take us back, the place we began
The simple pursuit of nothing but you
The innocence of a heart in your hands
God take us back, oh God, take us back

To an unswerving faith in the power of your name
A heart beating for your kingdom to reign
A church that is known for your presence again
God take us back

Nothing and no one comes close to you
Nothing could ever come close
Nothing and no one, it's you, and you only
Nothing could ever come close

(Simple Pursuit // Passion)

Hidden Brokenness

Ann Voskamp wrote in The Broken Way that there is no way to grow without brokenness. The truth of it echoes in John 12:24:

...Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

Sharing our "broken" is what can bind us in a real and relevant way to others - to build the bonds of communion and fellowship. After all, hearts are more open when authenticity is present.

But what about when we don't want to bring our brokenness out into the light? What becomes of those places?

Personally, I have learned that hidden brokenness can become a twisted comfort. In other words, a place in me that I do not wish to deal with or make known before others does in fact benefit me in some way. There is a payoff. But, as it is a twisted comfort, there is a cost as well.

For example, in my own brokenness, I often will resort to isolating myself from others, because connecting is scary, painful, and risky. It opens me to the possibility of rejection or shame when I say what is true of me to another person. Therefore, isolation can be more comfortable than the ache of loneliness. My emotional comfort costs me relationship and communion with others. It costs me a chance to have my dark places exposed and healed in the light of fellowship. A twisted comfort.

We may also keep these broken places hidden because they give us some sense of power or control. Hiddenness helps us avoid shame and facing our true reality. Our pain can be numbed, even if only momentarily. Even the most depraved, hurtful hidden broken can function this way.

Just as Adam and Eve hiding from God in the Garden of Eden was a red flag to God that something was wrong - so it should be for us. Hidden is contrary to God's ways. He is all about things being out in the open, out in the light.

Truth is not cloistered in darkness - and likewise, lies do not reside in the light.

The hard truth is - and churches don't preach this- sin works. For a time, that is. It can bring quick (albeit temporary) relief for what ails us. The allure of sin, with its instant relief, beckons us - in stark contrast to a long obedience lacking obvious results. We start to believe as the Israelites did in Malachi 3:14:

It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty?

Doubt in God's goodness, provision and faithfulness to His promises to us lead us to a desolate place: "Rock Middle", as Kaley Newkirk terms it. Unlike "Rock Bottom", where one's life visibly implodes from a series of bad choices, "Rock Middle" is more subtle and less disastrous in the immediate term. "Rock Middle" is the accumulation of tiny adjustments and compromises we make in our lives, just to get through the day, but which ultimately lead us away from God's plan for our lives. This is not a place of an abundant, thriving life, but a stuck, stale place.

The righteous thing we are waiting for becomes too small, says Newkirk. We doubt God because His timing is not ours. In our impatience we cast golden calves, create cracked cisterns, and resort to all-around self-reliance.

Practically speaking, this can take a zillion forms: control, greed, overeating, an addiction, lies, power, lust, anger, pride... But the end result is the same. Hidden brokenness, in all its forms, is a IDOL. Idols steal our dependence on God, our loyalty to Him, our trust in His provision and faithfulness. It steals our relationship and intimacy with God and with others, and thus our growth in the Kingdom. We become fruitless when our hands are clutching idols. Hidden broken steals spiritual growth.

And why shouldn't it? We think we are meeting our own needs - we don't need God.

Even if we are not immediately aware of any hidden brokenness within us, we can be sure that as a fallible human, there is some, somewhere within. So, we must ask ourselves - am I willing to ask God to begin revealing my areas of hidden brokenness? Because when we ask, we can be sure He indeed will. After all, He is a jealous God who wants our hearts all to Himself.

I encourage you - ask God to reveal your hidden brokenness. To show you what has led you into "Rock Middle". To show you what is holding your heart back from sharing your brokenness with others in deep communion. If you're honestly not ready to have him show you yet - just pray for the willingness to ask for it. God is patient and gentle - He does not mind moving slowly with you. He will pursue your heart till the very end.

Be blessed my friends. Our God is faithful.




To Process:
+ In what specific ways has your hidden brokenness cost you?

+ Are you aware of a habitual sin that you just can't seem to shake free from and are afraid to share with others? What is it? How does it present in your life? This may be an area of hidden brokenness.

+ Ask yourself: What small adjustments and compromises do I make in the course of a day, just to get through the day and hold myself together? These almost imperceptible choices are what form the foundation of a "Rock Middle".

The Word:
+ Put to death whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, evil desires, greed... These are Idols. Colossians 3:5 (my paraphrase)

Margin

This past week I've been happily hunkered down in the trench... The trench between my stove and kitchen sink, that is. I've been expanding my hobby of preparing home cooked frozen meals for friends into more of a legitimate business. 

Over the last several years I've come to realize just how much I not only enjoy cooking, but that I am pretty good at it. People are complimentary of my dishes and they seem to take delight in what I prepare. And that makes me very happy!

As I have prepared and delivered meals in the past, I've heard over and over again the excitement of a family who gets to go home and enjoy a home cooked meal together, with little effort. It got me thinking-- is this a way to use my gifts to serve those around me? A way to nurture relationships around the diner table? The confirmation of this message has continued to surface. 

Most recently, God brought this scripture to mind, as kind of a guiding principle of Frozen With Love (the name of this little venture):

For the ministry of this service is not only supplying the needs of the saints but is also overflowing in many thanksgivings to God. // 2 Corinthians 9:12

Knowing that I am doing something that I love, coupled with the knowledge that I am meeting a practical need of those around me gives me a sense of great purpose and meaning. And for that, I feel nothing but gratitude as God uses me!

 So, as this venture gets under way and starts to grow beyond infancy, I am learning quickly I must be mindful of some important things: 

• Am I taking on a reasonable amount of work, or too much?
• If too much, am I doing it to please others? Examine my motives.
• Am I taking care of my priority items first (my family and home)?
• Am I practicing good self care? (Getting enough rest, staying connected relationally)
• And, most importantly - How is my relationship with God? Am I connecting to the Vine daily?

Yesterday morning I was driving to my small group meeting, feeling stressed, stretched thin, running late (again!) and unprepared for our discussion time. I had not even touched the 3 chapters we were about to process as a group. Not for lack of interest - I had stared longingly at the book for several days now, but there was never the time. And I had not even sat down with Jesus for 2 minutes or cracked my Bible in days. I was running on fumes.

Margin.

I heard it loud and clear in my head as I sat at a red light with my head propped against my hand. 

I must build margin into my weekly and daily routine, NOW, before too many bad habits get established as I explore this business. Otherwise, this well intentioned "service ministry" is going to burn me out and go down in flames. 

It was clear, as I sat there simultaneously numb and stressed, that I had taken on too much, in an effort to please others and get their business. I had not set any boundaries around my time or abilities. I was not taking care of my priority items, as evidenced by the mountain of laundry and ridiculously dirty floors that awaited me back home (not to even mention the tower of pots in the sink). I was not taking good care of myself, as I was staying up late to finish meals, and then skipping my time with Jesus because I couldn't get up in the mornings. I was too busy to make phone calls or meet with friends.

Once I made it to my chair in small group, we eased into a conversation about plugging in to God as our source. It occurred to me that  I have no business doing God's work if I am doing it in my own strength. Otherwise, it is my work, for my glory. If I am disconnected from the source, the fruit of my labor is not of Jesus, and therefore not lasting.

We went on to read about Jesus' call to Peter in John 21:15-17.  Upon Peter's confirmation that he did indeed love Jesus, Jesus calls him to "feed my lambs", "take care of my sheep" and "feed my sheep".  It got me thinking some more-- I cannot "feed his sheep" if I myself haven't been fed, for I have nothing to feed them with (spiritually speaking). Another reminder - margin in my time is how I have space to come to Jesus to commune and be fed. And this in turn helps me nourish the spirits of the saints who buy meals from me.

I will continue posting about my search for margin and balance and share what methods I am using and how it is going. 

Lord, forgive me for allowing busyness and pleasing to steal my heart from you. Forgive me for seeking to be fed from any source but You. I ask for your divine wisdom as I order my days and weeks, so that there will be intentional margin in my time to connect with You. Thank you for the reminder that I must seek You first, always. You alone shall be glorified. Amen.

Unraveling

My early morning art. Looks like the talent of a two-year-old, right?

Actually, this is how I view my past right now. A big fat wad of yarn. A few identifiable, obvious stands sticking out, but for the most part... An indiscernable mess. My memory is so clouded that I can't really even recall certain events that have shaped me. The thought of healing root issues overwhelms me. How do I even spot the roots?

But God...

God showed me today this is what He will do:

He will bring healing, one piece at a time. He will unravel this mess, one strand at a time. He will make things plain, clear, straight. One at a time. In this I have faith, hope, and peace.

Are you struggling under the weight of something? Something that seems impossible?  Maybe you have no idea where to start to tackle this beast.

It is my prayer that just as God encouraged me today with this visual of how He will unravel my mess, may He encourage you as well. What is impossible for us to do on our own, God can do. One piece at a time, He will show us what we need to see and bring us healing. Resolution. Freedom.

Let us place in His hands our messy, overwhelming things. He will delight to show us His faithfulness and reveal his power over the impossible!

A One Word Gospel

If you had to summarize the entirety of the Bible – God’s love, Jesus’ sacrifice and redemption of all, the hope of eternity – the whole bit, could you do it in one sentence? 

Perhaps John 3:16 is a great one-sentence summary: 

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

How about in only three words? We might come up with words like Grace, Love, and Mercy. Or Hope, Forgiveness, and Heaven. Or Sin, the Cross, and Salvation.

But what if you had to summarize the entire gospel message of God’s love, Jesus’ sacrifice and the hope of heaven in ONE WORD? What would your one word be?

This is where I was floored. The speaker I was listening to offered up one word I did not expect.

With.

That’s right, with. Let me walk you through it. You will see how awesome this is!

Let’s start in the beginning, which is NOT in Genesis but in John chapter 1: verses 1- 3 tell us:

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was WITH God, and the Word was God. He was WITH God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made…

Who or what do you think the Word is that was WITH God before the creation of the Earth? Biblical commentaries and even the study notes in our Bibles confirm that in these verses we see JESUS as fully God – the eternal God who has always existed, the Creator and Sustainer of all things and the Source of eternal life.

In Genesis when God created the heavens and the earth, we need to remember that Jesus was there WITH God "in the beginning", although not yet in his human form. We see this alluded to again when God created Adam on the 6th day,, saying “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness” [Genesis 1:26, my emphasis].

So, bearing that in mind, let’s trace WITH from the beginning of scripture to see if this one word is fitting. We are only hitting highlights…

In the Garden of Eden, God was WITH Adam and Eve, walking and talking among them.

God was WITH Noah after He promised to protect Noah and his family during the terrible flood that washed away every living thing outside of the ark.

God was WITH Abraham when he made the everlasting promise to give him descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky, and a land where they could settle.

God told Moses, “I will be WITH you” when he was to lead the enslaved Israelites out of Egypt.

God was WITH the Israelites in the dessert as He provided manna, quail and water from the rock to sustain them.

The Lord was WITH Joshua and the Israelites as they overtook the land promised to them: 

The Lord himself goes before you and will be WITH you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. [Deuteronomy 31:8]

When Samuel anointed the shepherd boy David King of Israel, the Spirit of the Lord fell on him. From then on, the Lord was WITH David, “a man after God’s own heart”.

Years later the shepherd king pens the words in which we still find comfort today: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are WITH me.” Psalm 23:4

Daniel and his friends experienced the manifest presence of the Lord WITH them as three of them were thrown into a fiery furnace and Daniel into a lion’s den. They each emerged without a single scratch, completely protected by their God.

And in the fullness of time, God took WITH to a whole new level:

After an immaculate conception, the Virgin Mary gave birth to a son named Jesus, also called Immanuel – God WITH us. John 1:14 confirms this: 

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.

For 33 years – Jesus was Immanuel, God WITH us, as he walked among his people on earth. But before he left, he made a promise: “I am WITH you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

After the crucifixion and Jesus’ ascension into heaven 40 days later – The Holy Spirit was sent on Pentecost and entered the very souls of those who believed. Now the very Spirit of Jesus and God the Father is WITH anyone who believes in Jesus!

And in the last days, God will send Jesus back to earth, this time to claim his eternal throne. This time to defeat death, sin and Satan a final time. And – he’s coming for us who believe in him.

Soak up the promises of Revelation 21:3-4 and Rev 22:3-4

Now the dwelling of God is WITH men and he will live WITH them. They will be his people and God himself will be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. // No longer will there be any curse…They will see His face and His name will be on their foreheads.

So – do you see WITH throughout the story of the gospel?

Here is an acrostic to help us remember the core message of WITH:

Where 

I am, 

There 

He is

What is WITH supposed to mean to us, anyways? I think it represents intimacy. Relationship. WITH illustrates God’s desire for intimacy and connection with us. And, hopefully, our desire to be WITH God, too.

Togetherness naturally breeds intimacy.

This is Holy week – remember on Friday, "Good Friday", what was really happening when Christ humbled himself by becoming obedient to death on a cross.

Christ had chosen to fully confine his deity to flesh and blood, taking the blows for our sin – yesterday, today and tomorrow. When he died, it was OUR spiritual death he endured.

He underwent the separation from the Heavenly Father that our sin should bring US. We see it when he cried out from the cross in those last moments, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”. Because God is Holy, sin cannot exist in his presence.

And so Jesus was separated from the Father the first time in FOREVER. For US.

Ok, a quick side trip into the Temple in Jerusalem before we tie all of this together…

In the Temple in Jerusalem, there was a massive outer courtyard where all the people could congregate (one area for men and one for women), present their offerings and sacrifices, hear the lessons from the priests and worship. This was as far as they could go into the temple grounds. This was as close to God as they could get.

Within the courtyard was the Holy Place, the first of two enclosed spaces, where priests would burn incense and place the consecrated bread before God. Only the priests were permitted into the Holy Place.

Beyond that, separated by a thick, heavy curtain, was The Most Holy Place. The Most Holy Place housed the Ark of the Covenant, the golden chest which held the stone tablets given to Moses, among some other sacred items. The very presence of God hovered above the Ark.

This place was so sacred that the priests themselves only entered it once per year, and never without sacrificial blood, which the priest offered for himself and the people. No one else was allowed into The Most Holy Place. Ever.

What does The Most Holy Place have to do with Christ on the cross and intimacy WITH God? Stay with me here while we tie this together. In three of the four gospels, we find a similar account.

Picture the climactic moment of Jesus' death:

"And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split." (Matthew 27:50-51)

Can you imagine the priests in the temple when they looked up after the shaking of the ground beneath their feet and noticed the curtain ripped in two, revealing The Most Holy Place for all eyes to see? I wonder if a holy fear came over them? Now, any ol' body could go in!

Exactly. Any ol' body could go in. Glory to God!

Hebrews reveals to us the amazing truth of what happened that Good Friday when the curtain was torn:

"Since we have confidence to enter The Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body....". (Hebrews 10:19-20)

Stop. Do you see it? Jesus not only made a way, through the sacrifice of his body, but He IS the Way. "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6) It is through him, our High Priest, that we are able to pass through the curtain and come into the very presence of God the Father. Wow!

What is the promise of hope that the torn curtain of Jesus' body offered us? God tells us himself - he doesn't want us to miss it:

He will make himself known to us, he will put his laws in our hearts, we will share intimacy with him, and he will forgive our sins and remember our sins no more. (paraphrased: Jeremiah 31:33-34; Hebrews 8:10-13)

How's that to make a Friday 'good'?

WITH. It’s what God has desired from the beginning of time. It’s what he will pursue until the end of time. And the amazing gift of being WITH God the Father, in an intimate, everyday relationship is all because of Jesus and that curtain being torn.

Is God uprooting you so you will learn the reality of WITH? Will you choose to leave the outer courts and boldly pass through the curtain opened for you, and into the very presence of God?

As you face the challenges of everyday life, never forget:

He is WITH you always. Where I am, There He is. Even to the very end of time.