Through God's Eyes

This morning I awoke after a night laced with disturbing dreams. In one dream I allowed my son, who has a peanut allergy, to eat a snack literally covered with peanuts. As his face and hands began to swell and I saw fear rising in his eyes, I calmly took out his Epipen and then managed to fumble and misfire the injection, only having to "make-do" and still attempt to give him the needed medication.


In another dream, I was pregnant and at the hospital to give birth. The only thing was that I was not in labor yet, and in fact, in my opinion, nowhere near the 9 month mark. While we were pacing in the hospital room, suddenly my abdomen came alive and began moving wildly. I saw the baby's hands and feet began pushing forth from my middle, and I heard clearly its cry to escape. It was trying to get out! I frantically began trying to get the doctors to work to take the baby out, all the while arguing that I was not ready yet! "How can this be? I am not even ready!"


I awoke with the strangest feeling after these dreams. The more I thought about them, the more I realized these dreams were revealing something going on inside my conscience. They were trying to show me something.


The last several days I have been working continuously to put together some lessons about spiritual disciplines for a retreat my Bible study girls will be taking in a few weeks. What started off as a strong and exciting compilation of several books on the subject had, as of yesterday, dissolved into a heap of books and papers that had no discernable direction, and certainly no lessons to follow or present. I went to bed feeling confused and defeated. Where was that clarity that accompanied those first days? The confidence that had helped me sort through and select the material? I was now questioning everything I thought I had nailed down. For a long time now, I had been asking God for an opportunity to use the gifts He has given me. I want to try out "teaching" in a safe environment. I want to write! I want to share my passion for "plugging in" to Christ with others and equip them for a more intimate relationship with Christ. What better place than in the company of ladies who love and support me so much?


But my doubts over being "competent", "ready" and "capable" were taking over and clouding the vision. Fear was giving way to a landslide of self-doubt. 


And this brings us to my dreams. My fears of being incompetent or incapable at handling an important, yet doable task surfaced (such as giving my son a shot or coordinating this retreat). And even more poignantly, my fears of looking my dream in the face, anticipating its birth and then being too afraid to embrace it, believing I am not ready, is startling. Do I really believe this? Would I really allow self doubt to hamper God's delivery of my dream?


And isn't it just like God to circulate a devotion, sending it to me not once, but TWICE, to make sure I read it, that discusses what else but SELF DOUBT. Wow. Is He good or what??


From this devotion, I read about Gideon in Judges 6 and his consumption with fear over fighting a bigger, stronger enemy:


He was convinced that the Lord had abandoned him and his people because of all the oppression they were suffering. When the Lord told Gideon to go in the strength he had, saying "Am I not sending you?", Gideon was still thinking what we all would think: "But...." A word marked with doubt.  And as the author of the devotion pointed out, Gideon was seeing circumstances through his own eyes, not through God's. God knew Gideon would be strong enough and successful, but Gideon didn't see it.  By reading further into this story, we see that eventually Gideon overcame his doubts and fears by focusing on what God thought about him, instead of what he thought about himself.


And that is what I need to do now. God, show me what You think of me and this task. Help me not dwell on my own thoughts and self-doubt. After all....


"Am I not sending you?" [my emphasis] Joshua 6:14
"I" being the LORD, Jehovah, or Yahweh in Hebrew. The Great I AM is sending me; The divine being who is self-existent, self-sufficient, self-directed, eternal, and consistent. He who was, is and is to come. He is the one who is sending me.


And what does He think of me? I am His Beloved. The apple of His eye. A previous treasure. Holy and dearly loved. Redeemed. Beautiful. Worthy. Equipped to bring glory to His kingdom. Amen and AMEN!




Psalm 18:32
It is God who arms you with strength and make your way perfect.

Blessed Interruptions

God was extra busy today in my sphere of the world. Little did I know he was cooking up a moment of divine interruption that would bless both me and a friend. For the past 5 weeks we have been having some work done in our house. As a result, there has been a steady stream of workers coming and going. Today would have been the first in many weeks that no one would be in my house as I arrived back home. At last I could get some cleaning done and begin to put our house back together again like poor Humpty Dumpty.

On my way home, I got a phone call from a friend in tears over some devestating developments in her home life. She was begging for my prayers, which I promised to offer generously. However, the more I neared my driveway, the less I felt the need to head in and work, and the more I became aware of the call to go and be with her, and pray with her that very moment. Generally I am not very impulsive. I like to know well in advance what is on the agenda so I can mentally prepare. However, in this moment, I heard these words flowing from my mouth: "I just have to run in my house for something and I will be there in 20 minutes." She did not argue but gratefully accepted. I knew without a doubt this was God orchestrating this whole thing. As soon as I hung up, a flood of fervent prayers began to erupt, pleading for God to equip me, use me, fill with me with His Spirit and His words of life. Once in the house He lead me right to two powerful prayer resources and reminded me to grab my Bible. On the drive to her house, He filled me up and gave me every direction I would need.

This spontaneous prayer time not only blessed my friend in a time of crisis, but it boosted my own faith as well. So often we're petrified God will call on us one day because we fear we won't be able somehow to do what He has asked of us. I am boldly proposing that even as God calls us, He is in standby mode. All we have to do is open our mouths to ask for His help, and He readily places into our possesion exactly what we will need in order to obey His call.

Thank you Lord Jesus for interrupting me today. It was my incredible honor to be chosen by you to minister Your love to my sweet, hurting friend.

As a side note, the blessings of that prayer time included a miraculous stretching of time: God graciously ensured I had enough time to still accomplish some of my chores before the day was over. See, our obedience costs us something but God will always compensate our obedience with blessing.

All I Need To Know

He reached his hand out to me. Only then did I realize I was sinking in the water. That I'd called out to him. Effortlessly, he pulled me up and out, next to him. He smiled at me, eyes warm and glowing. He was radiant. 


We walked alongside one another. "Where am I going?" I asked. I almost expected him to push me  ahead of him in a certain direction and tell me, "There."  


But he didn't. No, he reached out and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, tucking me into his side. His strength became my own. I felt secure, confident, full. His radiance filled my face and was reflected there. The love in his heart leaked into mine, as though by osmosis as our sides pressed together. His warmth was like a soft golden blanket that enveloped me. 


As we walked, I could only see a few feet in front of me. Suddenly it didn't matter to me where we were going. Because although I didn't know, I knew he did. And that was all I needed to know.


"He will cover you with his feathers, under his wings you will find refuge."  Psalm 91:4


"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me." Psalm 18:16, 19

On the Mountain

When I close my eyes, I see my self where I really am right now. Not in my swiveling office chair, pecking at the keyboard. But where my soul is. I am atop a lush green hillside, soaking in the brilliant sunshine. Brad is next to me and our kids are running up and down the grassy knolls around us, squealing with abandon. Peace washes over us in warm slow waves. We know life is good and are well aware that the boundary lines have fallen for us in pleasant places. Thanksgiving floods our hearts for the blessings God has showered on us. As we watch the children run blissfully, we are running, too, for our hearts are free.  

Moving to Orlando three years ago, we unpacked most boxes quickly. Some, however, took longer while we decided what to do with the contents. One thing we unpacked slowly, deliberately, were the blessings that God generously and continuously gave to us: Freedom. Friends. Community. Financial Peace. Strength in Marriage. School. Church. More Friends. Knowing Him More. Trusting Him More. Love.  I cannot fully grasp all that has been done here in this time, but it has been wonderful on this hill. A part of me has been somewhat fearful that a time would come to move down from the hill and into the valley. Valleys have deep tones, painful tones. Ones I have not wanted to face, given the easy and full life up on my hill. But life promises us valleys at some time or other. Have my prayers for God to humble me, make me ever more dependent and trusting of Him held an implicit plea for a trip to the valley?

Up on our hill, we sense the gentle winds of change beginning to blow at our backs. The wind is gentle now, making us aware of its presence, but soon it will pick up strength and we will have to adjust our position. Whether it forces us down into the valley or just to another grassy knoll remains to be seen. But change is a-coming. My desire is to follow God's will, wherever it leads us. I hope He sees that as much as I love life here, and all of the incredible people He has joined our hearts with, I am willing to lay it all down to follow Him. After all, what good is an offering that costs me nothing?

God Answers

I had the opportunity to witness God's faithful response to prayer today. And as usual, not in the way one would expect. Let me fill you in:  a couple of weeks ago while driving to school one morning, my children and I saw a man driving a little girl to school on a motorscooter. It struck me at the time that it was very unsafe to have her on the back of that scooter. What if they had a wreck? I knew I could do nothing but pray for them, and so I did, all the way to school as I followed them.  

Today at school pickup, I saw him again, picking her up on the scooter. I was filled with that same dreadful feeling, and as they followed me out onto Lake Brantley Rd, I prayed again that God would protect them and keep them safe. As we turned onto 434, he passed me in the left lane and we made it through one light before he hit a bump and lost control of the scooter. It zigged this way and that as he attempted to regain control. I watched in slow motion and witnessed what I had feared:  the scooter losing control and the two of them sailing through the air.  He landed on top of her and rolled off. The scooter was in several pieces in the busy 4-lane road. 

I immediately pulled over, ordering my children to remain buckled up inside. I ran to the scene where many others were already gathering, calling 911. The girl, Maya, was scared and crying, but intact. Her leg was scraped and bleeding all the way up to her thigh. The father was lying on the ground and was responsive, not bleeding. He said his back hurt, so was told not to move, but wait for the ambulance. I began to pray silently over them, and suddenly I noticed two women crossing the highway toward the scene. It was two women I know from Bible study at church, Karen and Tracy.  They came purposefully toward the man, laid hands on his legs and began to pray powerfully over him and the girl for God's care, protection and healing. I joined them in this powerful moment of intercession. 

As I returned to my car, I was overwhelmed.  On the way home, I pondered all I had seen and experienced.  One might think that God had not answered my prayers, given the occurrence of the wreck and how frightening it was.  But the more I thought about it, I was certain that God had indeed heard and answered those pleas for their safety.  After all, no one had anything broken (that we could readily see), there was minimal blood from the scrapped up leg, everyone was conscious (just shaken up), and most precious of all was they were both very much alive. PRAISE GOD. He deserves our highest praise when we acknowledge how faithful and caring he is as he responds to our prayers.  Just sometimes, it may not be the answer we expect.

May God bless each of you with His answers...

Baby Hands

Tonight as I was tucking my son into bed, I marveled at his 4-year-old hands. How chubby they still are at his age, still with little fat rings around his wrists. The sweet way his fingers curled and relaxed as he was drifting off to sleep. My daughter's hands no longer show any signs of the plump and dimpled little hands with which she used to hug us. I was reminded of a bedtime a few months ago when my son asked me as I kissed those hands, "Mommy, do you love my baby hands?" Oh my goodness, how my heart melted. If I could preserve my children in this precious innocent state forever, I would.


But then, as I continued to admire his "baby hands", my mind drifted to times beyond tonight. I began to look at his hands, wondering what they would do in his life. Were these the hands that would throw a football in an important game? Would they take delight in preparing foods and being near a stove? Would they hold a hammer and transform wood? Hold a Bible and be amazed at God's promises? Would they be held high in praise to God? Would they go into the world to serve him? Would they be the hands that someday hold another woman's hand in love besides my own? Would they one day hold his own child?


My future, and his, leaped before my mind's eye as I pondered these things. And while part of me desperately wants to push pause on life's clock and keep my children this way forever, I cannot do it. God has amazing plans for them to accomplish in this life. I have to let go, heartbreaking as it is, and commend them into His service, even now at this tender age. But I am not afraid, for God loves and watches over them in ways I could never achieve. Now, as I get past my initial desire to hold tight to them, I will choose to let them flutter out from my palm, eagerly waiting to see how these baby hands do big things for the Kingdom of Heaven.


Dear Child, I know the plans I have for you. I want you to enjoy success. I do not plan to harm you. I will give you hope for the years to come. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIrV)

Take My Life and Let It Be

1. Take my life and let it be
   Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;
   Take my hands and let them move
   At the impulse of Thy love.
2. Take my feet and let them be
   Swift and beautiful for Thee;
   Take my voice and let me sing,
   Always, only for my King.
3. Take my lips and let them be
   Filled with messages from Thee;
   Take my silver and my gold,
   Not a mite would I withhold.
4. Take my moments and my days,
   Let them flow in endless praise;
   Take my intellect and use
   Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.
5. Take my will and make it Thine,
   It shall be no longer mine;
   Take my heart, it is Thine own,
   It shall be Thy royal throne.
6. Take my love, my Lord, I pour
   At Thy feet its treasure store;
   Take myself and I will be
   Ever, only, all for Thee.

--Frances Havergal, 1874